THE RULES OF LAPS FOR CAT HUMANS:
1. You may NOT put me on your lap yourself. I am an independant fluffball and do not need 2-legged hairless baboons to tell me what I want to do.
2. If I grace you with my presence and decide (out of my own) I want to use your legs as a bed, you may not move. Not one inch. I prefer you not breathing during the time that I'm on your lap, but I'll grant you one leniency. Never say I'm not considerate.
3. You may pat me. Once. Then you must stop. Otherwise you mess up my hair, and I need to look perfect, all the time. If you pat me more than once, I WILL punish you by leaving you just as abruptly as I arrived.
4. If I'm in the mood, you may stroke me. But if I'm not, only one pat. The fact that you don't know if I'm in the mood or not, is of little consequence to me. It's a gamble you'll have to take.
5. Absolutely NO squishing me. None.
I know I'm cute and my fluffness is absolutely amazing, but squishing me will ensure me bringing a dead bird/mouse into your bed that evening. With or without it's head. Depending on my mood.
6. I do not snore. Never say I snore. I simply breathe loudly. And it's cute.
7. Do not DARE try and stand up while I'm gracing you with my presence on your face, chest, or legs. Emotional torment will await you if you move an INCH.
8. You may take photos of me on your lap, and post them on social media. ONLY if I look good in them. I really don't care how you look, but the photos must clearly show who is boss in this house. And it's me.
Now that we're on the same page, we can continue this relationship of slave and owner.
From @twilight_foster_kittens: "Cheshire Cat climbed onto the top of the mini scratching post and is feeling kingly.☺️He's becoming more bold and adventurous as he grows. And that wild curly fur is so endearing!💕" #catsofinstagram
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If you're reading this it's probably too late ... 🐱🔪 @some_bull_ish is hilarious, follow follow follow
My love for mini humans runs deep... but only for #hudsonkroenig who self-describes saying, "My hair is blond. My eyes are brown. My skin is a little beige-ish, a little gold-ish. I wear a size-1 shoe. I am 49 inches. I have big pecs, and I’m lean like Daddy.” (To be clear, his Daddy @bradkroenig not Daddy @karllagerfeld). 😽 #bigpecsminihuman